A photography course in Edinburgh: the joy and terror of stepping out of your comfort zone

Tags

comfort zone, confidence, edinburgh, edinburgh old town, photography, positive thinking, stills gallery

There are many adages that encourage us to break free from our habitual behaviour and seek out new experiences that really challenge us – feel the fear and do it anyway, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and so on.

I learnt the importance of pushing myself out of my comfort zone (kicking and screaming, if need be) from a young age. I was recovering from ME and had to reintegrate myself back into society, and not just any society…teenage society, urgh. There were a lot of scary moments – my first day back at school after a year and half long absence was a particularly daunting one. But I learnt a crucial life lesson in that period – the value of making myself scared.

Since then I’ve made scaring myself an essential part of my life. Doing things that make you feel uncomfortable draw on the resources deep inside you. You discover that you have the confidence, resilience and capability to handle anything. In other words, stepping outside your comfort zone helps you grow.

Different things scare different people.  A good test is if you feel like every cell in your body is telling you to turn and run in the opposite direction, you’re there. I’ve learnt to recognise when I’m outside my comfort zone because I get shaky hands…sometimes even shaky knees (this happened a lot when I did spoken word performances, sharing your writing with an audience is rather nerve-racking).

So if you’re feeling incredibly uncomfortable, like you might do a wee cry and goddamit just want to go home…welcome to the no-man’s land outside your comfort zone! It isn’t easy, but it’s the best place in the world to learn.

I want to share with you my most recent excursion from my comfort zone. I was extremely lucky to be able to attend an intensive five-day photography skills course at Stills gallery in Edinburgh, tutored by some very patient and very talented photographers. I love taking pictures and was so excited to learn more about photography, but I was totally unprepared for what a learning curve it would be – learning about ISO, shutter speed, aperture and everything else involved in taking a semi decent photograph.

Then came the bit that really scared me. Going up to complete strangers and asking to take their picture. It wasn’t the talking to strangers that bothered me, I’m quite comfortable talking to people I don’t know. It was the machine in my hands that I didn’t know how to use properly, and the pressure that I was heaping upon myself to take a not just good, but great photo. As well as trying not to come across as some pervy weirdo to the person whose picture I was taking.

I wandered the streets of Edinburgh, aware of the deadline set for the environmental portrait brief (a picture of someone in their usual environment, most commonly at work), looking at the unfamiliar faces and wondering who would be kind to me yet also an interesting subject for the picture. One thing I know, is the longer you leave something the worse it gets. Like damp. Or athletes foot.

My fear was rising to an alarming level, so after a few minutes surreptitiously lurking in the shadows of a skateboarding shop, I marched myself to the front desk and did my best impression of someone who wasn’t-nervous-at-all-and-was-actually-totally-down-with-the-kids-yo. And it worked. I got a photo, it wasn’t perfect, the focus was all wrong, but I had approached a stranger and taken their photo.

Nothing is ever as scary as the first time you do it. It’s the fear of the unknown that keeps us under our safety blankets, but once you’ve experienced something new you get to know what you’re working with.

After that I began to have more confidence with the camera. Leaving your comfort zone is the best way to give your confidence a boost. As the course drew to a close, I was exhausted but felt a true sense of achievement. Here are some snaps from the latter end of the week, you can probably tell how much more at ease I felt by then…

Cockburn Street and the narrow closes of Edinburgh’s Old Town are such brilliant places to take pictures!

Feeling inspired? Here are some things you could try to go outside your comfort zone;

• Solo travel
• Improvised comedy
• Running a 5k
• Treetop adventure course

I’ve tried all of these and must say the one I would never do again is the treetop adventure course. I hated every minute of it – and got told off for swearing so loudly and frequently – but I’m so proud of myself for giving it a go, at least now I know it’s not for me!

I’d love to hear what you’ve done, or plan to do, outside your comfort zone, so please do share in the comments below…

 

30 notes to my 20 year old self

Tags

30, advice, age, birthday, thirties, twenties, wisdom

On the cusp of my fourth decade, I’m feeling strangely Zen about my age having a 3 instead of a 2 in front of it. Which is odd because I’ve kind of always worried about growing up. I remember when my Mum told me I needed a training bra. The horror. Back then I thought I could cheat the system, just like Peter Pan had.

On my twenty-third birthday I thought I was old as hell. Past it. And I realise now that it wasn’t so much the fear of my own mortality, but rather the fear that the fun was about to stop. Being a grown up. Barf.

The thing is though, now 30 doesn’t seem so bad because, actually, the fun never has to stop. Well, unless you have kids, but hey that’s a different blog post! Thirties can be every bit as wonderful as twenties without any of the insecurity, self loathing or bad decision making. Hopefully.

I spent far too much of my twenties giving a shit about stuff, and not enough time giving a shit about the stuff I should be giving a shit about. What a load of shit.

And so in celebration of the remaining grains of sand slipping from my precious egg timer named ‘Twenties’, here are a couple of things I know now, I really wish I’d known then.

1.) Exfoliate regularly.

2.) Accept your body for the shape it is. The gym and starvation won’t stop you having curves. And why would you want to.

3.) Be strong for other people, but most importantly be strong for yourself.

4.) Aloe vera. Take it daily and everything will be better.

5.) Don’t eat too much sugar, it’s the cause of your acne and tiredness, plus it’s highly addictive and also bad for your teeth.

6.) Use an emollient cream, it’s the purest moisturiser you can get and won’t irritate your skin.

7.) Stop wasting your Saturday/Sunday morning with a hangover.

8.) Take milk thistle for a hangover.

9.) Don’t waste your time with friends who never bother to get in touch.

10.) Make time for real friends.

11.) Real friends love you even at your worst.

12.) Demand respect. You teach people how to treat you.

13.) Just because one person says your writing is crap and another person says your writing is brilliant, doesn’t mean the person who said it’s crap is the one you should listen to.

14.) You are not disgusting. In fact, sometimes you look quite pretty.

15.) Take risks. But don’t jeopardise your safety.

16.) It’s ok to make mistakes.

an example of a mistake

17.) Enjoy the quiet times.

18.) Be thankful for the good times.

19.) Remember the bad times will pass.

20.) Do things that scare you. Improv, solo travel, spoken word – try them, you’ll like them I promise.

hello, beautiful lady bike

21.) Buy a lady bike. Happiness guaranteed, every day.

22.) Not all men are users.

23.) Wait for someone who really floats your boat, don’t settle. (clue: he exists!)

24.) Read the small print. Particularly with credit cards.

25.) Some people are stupid.

26.) Your personality is the most important element in how attractive you appear.

27.) Dye your hair whatever colour you fancy. But always have a get out plan, and a good conditioning hair mask.

28.) To your parents you’ll always be their little girl, so go easy on them.

29.) Take Halloween seriously. Veeery seriously.

serious.

seriouser.

seriousist.

30.) Only give a shit about the things that you should actually be giving a shit about. Like feminism.

Now someone pass me the botox and a big piece of cake…

Reaching the finish line

Tags

5k, bucket list, charity, color me rad, colour me rad, M.E., ME, race, running

When I turned 25 I started to reevaluate things. Suddenly 30 didn’t seem all that far away.
And so I did what any sensible person would do, and drew up a bucket list. My bucket list wasn’t huge – I’d rather not swim with dolphins thank you very much, god knows where they might stick their beaks, and I can’t bungee jump or skydive or anything else pant-shittingly terrifying due to the small hole in my retina that would become a very big hole if gravity were allowed to have its wicked way (it’s true). But there were a couple of things I wanted to get under my belt…

One of which, was to run a race. I dreamed of sprinting across the finish line as the crowds cheered, sweating in a way that gave me a kinda sexy glow and experiencing an extreme sense of elation. All of this, turns out, was completely unrealistic. Except the elation. That happened a wee bit.
Running a race meant more to me than losing a few pounds or being able to brag to less athletically inclined pals/family/strangers/stray dogs about the achievement. It meant I had kicked the butt of an illness that had changed the course of my life forever, disrupted my family’s life and stolen my teens.
And so the call came, “let’s do a 5k!” chimed my lovely but much fitter than me bunch of pals. It was on.
What’s the most tired you’ve ever been? Could you lift your arm? Could you speak? Also your head hurts so much sometimes you pass out, your hands and feet are like blocks of ice and your limbs ache constantly. For five years. And nobody knows why. That’s M.E..
I don’t want sympathy. I just want the world to know that it’s is real and people are suffering and the last thing they need is for you to tell them they’re probably faking it for attention/have school phobia/should try doing more exercise.

Learning to run isn’t easy. At first I began to wonder if I truly did have two lungs as I had always been led to believe. Gasping, panting, sweating and wobbling in my running tights ain’t pretty. Times got tough, until I listened to a podcast from one of my faves, Trish Blackwell. “It’s going to hurt,” she said, “expect pain.” She runs marathons and stuff.
I expected it. Bring it, I said in my own head (mostly). I ran in the rain and felt like Action Woman. I ran in the blazing sunshine and felt like I was going to Pass Out. I ran right up until the big day, and then I ran some more.

Hi, I’m Action Woman

If you aren’t familiar with the Color Me Rad concept let me explain – you run 5k while simultaneously being pelted with multicoloured powder. The atmosphere on the day was electric, everyone was itching to get running. Before I got to the track I’d felt nervous, but soon excited anticipation took over.
I ran most of the circuit with my pals, each of us taking turns to be the encouraging one. About 4k in I slowed down to a walk, it was baking hot – the blazing sun made me feel like I was cooking alive. With the finish line in sight I picked up my pace again. Just as I was approaching the last bend, and an assault of yellow powder – during which I thought I might be able to slow down a little – I heard a familiar voice shout my name. My dad grinned and waved at me from the crowd, then pointed his camera at my sweaty, slick with hair-masque (to protect my fake blonde locks) head. I had no idea my parents were going to be there.
I had no choice, this wasn’t about me anymore. This was about my parents, about people who have M.E. today and the people who had sponsored my run. It was also about the teenage me. Which I guess is technically me, but whatevs. It was symbolic.
With everything I had left I sprinted to the finish line. My sportiest pals who were waiting at the finish line cheered me as I crossed, and the sky exploded with pink and blue and yellow as everyone threw their bags of powder into the air. Best. Feeling. Ever.

Sure, it’s only 5k, but I’d done something I never would have thought possible. That’s a nice little tick for the bucket list.
And the other two things? Get published and go to Paris. One tick, one tick about to happen just before the big three-oh….

Better get started on that new bucket list.

(photos thanks to the lovely Ash!)

The eternally rad Ash (on my back)